New Beginnings Therapy



Note*

This article's timeline is pre-September 2022, when it was created; out of a process of mentalising with events situated around the beginning of September 2022, NBT decided that its publishing day/month move forward to next: October 2022. As such, here it is:

This article is a narrative recollection of events processing disclosure (of STARS) and not exposure. Disclosure (of STARS) is composite and impersonal, theoretically and conceptually appropriated for this month's reference point. The three- only - references are songs from Top Gun: Maverick (Sequel), Lady Gaga, 2022, Jerusalema , Master K, 2021 and In Memoriam by Kirill Richter, 2020.




Trauma and Co-Existence Narrative: October 2022




"

I See No longer: I AM STAR!



"I had a look at this official document, the other day, and there was this form with many spaces to tick and then, it was realised that I no longer see*.

It was not that I was impaired, and momentarily, but I could no longer see what was required of me. So, then I truly closed my eyes, and tried to decide on movement of my pen for an X or a V or a Y. There was this question that was permanently stuck to my mind.... it was about my whiteness or rather about the colour of my skin. A little space* next to it, was asking of me to affirm what I think it is the colour of my skin; then my choice was either Black or White Privilege. I stopped seeing when reading that, and so I closed my eyes. I was still deciding, in my head, what it's important about and on my skin, what are the markers and its colours? I, then, decided that I have stars, true, some discolored, some recent and some from a long time ago. I wondered if any such stars could be answer enough, or potentially classified under Black and/or Privilege. And so, I closed my eyes and looked again with my mind's eyes.

And, then the revelation: yes, my stars, still there albeit now more vivid, enlarged and prominent with new ones appearing like crosslines alongside STARS formed preconsciously as reminders.


Have I managed to set my alarm for: "smile at least millions a day" on my phone, today? 


That was a constant thought crossing my mind whilst counting the STARS, and there were many, very many to count. After performing the Count of STARS, I had returned to previous important question on space ticking about my choice - Privilege or Black?

Clearly decided: neither! And my answer was, indeed, thoroughly analyzed; 

mostly, by eliminating association or associative discrimination in accounting for all counted STARS. Each and every event was bringing in a multitude of permutations whereas memories felt afresh to mind.

All criteria from all that I could order and re/order as into the space were included, but then my STARS were dated some .... of years back/ago.

My mind started reveling on the fact that I might be black and never seen* before (due to the nature of my stars). The app did not give me that option. I was in an interminable loop: BLACK OR PRIVILEGE.

The app was wrong, erroneously conceived, conceptualised, it felt abusive, it was inflicting pain and wrongdoing - deliberately and intentionally. Familiar feeling* as continuation of existent trauma.

As such, it was decided that third space must be reformulated as STARS. Third Space MUST BE my (own) (owned) recognition, identification, that is a new mark, an identity: "I am STAR" - new order alongside: "I am human" and "I am woman" and finally: "I am STAR".

STAR stands for my skin; I can't describe it in colours with patterns and lived experiences. STAR gives ample understanding as to where I came from, traumas lived from beginning of life. STAR has nothing to do with colour, but with colours and history of soul. So, you see, and for anyone out/there, thinking that there is a Black and Privilege choice on lived Identity, I say that you are or may be wrong.

I am STAR. I am not Black but can stand with Black. I am not privilege either but can stand against Privilege. I am STAR - not many of us. Come and join me! I lived for .......many? of years, and I am always same. I have no colour, I have no privilege, I do have POWER because I am visible to all and lived by all. WORD is that POWER. It feels like ......, ceased to be a common denominator so maybe VERSE is a new one..."




References: 


Gaga, Lady. (2022)., "Hold my hand"., Soundtrack to TOP GUN: Maverick, 2022

retrieved from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2CIAKVTOrc

 


Master, KG. (2019)., "Jerusalema"., Austrian Airlines Challenge retrieved from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tEhoBM4NY0



Richter, K. (2019)., "In Memoriam"., retrieved from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XwyFkQM7eM