WHO THOUGHT IS A GOOD IDEA TO FUCK WITH ME? 

The following is the excerpt initially published in March 2019

  Example 1: Deputy District Judge Anne Aitken [email protected] dropped her pencil down and directed a question at me: "so what do you do Ms. (now DR) Day?"  (Holborn Central Family Court January 2019)

"I'm a honorary staff counsellor working for an NHS trust" amongst other roles– I answered.

Deputy District Judge Anne Aitken non-curiously then assumed: “yes, but that is not a job in itself is it? – if it is honorary, you are not paid for it! ...And, as such, it does not count – that is not considered employment".

To all my accounts and within the totality of all my positions – which position in itself stands as an employment, too, but positively not convincing for DDJ Anne Aitken in trying to demean how I see myself or what I do as an actual fact, I was left with disbelief. As, by same reasoning follows that DDJ Anne Aitken is not much of a Judge on any, and all instances that does not involve her being actively present in her job, for instance if she is somehow asleep during such a conversation in High Court – because she certainly appeared to me asleep, rather than rude, arrogant, ill-mannered and quite stupid to out it plainly. But, maybe all such qualities are much required in her job and are indeed present within her rather then what may have appeared to me as outrageously stupid observation on her side, such opinion owed to my professional stance, non-judgmental nature, and eventually also to owed to my honorary position developed, too as an honorary staff psychotherapist for the NHS. Who knows? 

Well, I do.

I must have looked pretty puzzled for fractions of seconds for reasons quite obvious to me, and clearly not obvious at all to DDJ Anne Aitken. It truly felt as one decided to answer a quiz on: “What is your most valuable asset?"  and from possible answers:

1. Your brain; 2. How to use your brain; 3. When you are asleep;

 Clearly if we are to interpret DDJ Anne Aitken’s assumption on possibilities of 1 to 3, DDJ clearly is not feeling much of a Judge at all on all instances especially when a). she is asleep and b). any other instances when she is potentially not thinking – as it may have seemed in making assumptions about what may feel to one as a valuable role depending on whether or not one is receiving an income. Definition of honorary involving a conduct and a professional way of being based on and achieved on multiple and various accomplished criteria, including a skill in assessing for dementia, and/or early signs of dementia - that being a true dementia state exhibited by DDJ Aitken  behaviour during that instance and several of other moments. Also considering her retirement from her profession announced for November 2018 but continuing into 2019, if one is indeed using inference as a way of assessing a possibility, it looked even more so highly likely that a dementia diagnosis for DDJ Anne Aitken was highly present and probable at the time of discussion. Perhaps another assessment of that fact was long overdue, that being in my opinion, professional opinion, honorary and otherwise.

Some of the most encountered feelings experienced by atypical individuals or recognised as neurodiversity  are feelings born out of lack of being understood in various instances and situations.  Communication is key. In above example, there is a rhetoric about how a neurodiverse individual could experience and interpret such a communication. There is discrimination from the Judge at various levels and in many forms. A neurotypical individual would call to mind a form of harassment and bullying, but all in all there are in fact discrimination.

Example 2:

A barrister Katy Remsen from [email protected] seated next to me, elbows me with what appears a left wrist plastered- probably just before attending A&E another colleague decided she had enough, and I could clearly see as to why. Robust, mean looking and moment she opened her mouth, what came out sounded like a squeaking of an old shoe completely worn out and drenched: she is acutely observing her left – I – making notes on my phone and then ( I hope this is my imagination! )  she raises her only limb (fore) available (right hand) and addresses the Court:

“Madam! I believe Ms. Day (currently DR. Day) is recording as she is using her phone!”

I were, indeed, making notes on my phone for I did not carry my notebook that day – but to my bewilderment – this Barrister – name [email protected]– for the sake of not being able to focus on making notes on her laptop ( she looked really not focused…), she brings herself to a theatrical manner to “report” me for some form of misconduct during a rather (possibly not for her) intense session of deliberation; me thinking to myself: now I do understand Parliament and all political reporting, much much better!

Responding to the Katy, DDJ Aitken then turns to me and mutters some ineligible warning about not using a phone during such proceedings. I, then, calmly explain that, and like everyone present, I am taking notes on a device much like a laptop and my actual phone is turned on silent – albeit obviously failed on being silent given that person to my right ([email protected]) and half able (mentally and physically) become suddenly preoccupied with where and how I record my notes. Needless to say because Katy was so acutely incapable to monitor her need to pee (urinate) – for which I could clearly smell it next to me and/or because some other difficult to assess in the moment need, such as a capacity to sit still.

I was not sure if laughter with all my might felt adequate, but equally a sense of: this is so Shakespearean in parts, except that Shakespeare really had very intelligent and a genius mind at work!

 I, watching the Judge and the Barrister performing, all I could see there were relics of stupidity at height so low down, that I could not be ask to locate it. Dungeon perhaps! And yet, there is something in that that I could identify: lack of coping and no control, resilience zero, power of adjusting and conduct negative.  If I were to compare that behaviour with anything in natural world would be someone needing the toilet so badly, but being quite so unware of who they are, they would request a break from next to them person right or left - without a doubt they will not know either way – and indicate that they believe the person next to them are in need for a break. Another alternative is what is presently reported in the media: (https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/24/prescription-drug-addiction-government-launches-investigation) about an addiction to painkillers; given that Kathy’s left wrist was plastered, it is highly possible that the barrister was overdosed that morning or all mornings for that matter. Such a fact in itself, would have explained conduct, smell, actioned behaviour and the overall presence look. All the above are quite frightful possibilities and yet, there are all asserted by I as positively possible based on given what had happened, reportedly.

Moving on from this example with a moral: always explain to a person that you are sitting next to, that you are using a phone and do explain what a phone is – in case they may need to be told: use drawing, Latin, colour, sand and any other potential form of communication such as a gesture of dialing a number to emergency services and use both American and British numbers. Fire Fighters, too. Anything would be better than letting them in their distress and wonder. Also, offer them water. Alternatively, do draw a sign of toilet and exit and direct them to it with arrows. Or ask the Judge to accompany them and then ask the Barrister to bring the Judge back – just in case toilet need and dementia do work hand in hand – because in this instance it really did, truly. The Barrister needed the loo and the Judge could have done with a walk even if to the ladies - if a sign post back would have been in place or placed.

Laughter is a mature form of defense in what is experienced as a challenging situation. The above example, calls in an  understanding in how communication and type of communication can and are experienced by a neurodiverse population. For some, particularly in ASD, sensory sensitivity and enhanced perception are key futures -  that is different from hypervigilance in scanning an environment. Hypervigilance is a feature of several conditions including anxiety, PTSD etc. There is also a question over comorbidity, with most neurodiverse individuals experiencing mental health difficulty as secondary condition. 

All in all, the above rhetoric illustrates a in difference* type of processing - a road map that is difficult to imagine and yet, much encountered in all my work with neurodiverse individuals. In above example, I take the stand and speak from that point of view. As a very fact I had experienced discrimination independently of all such added possibilities. The language used is a language of communication that is not perceived as kind or appropriate, but when is discrimination acceptable? The language is vulgar and tough because it overtly describes how discrimination and how a neurodiverse individual may indeed experience such a situation. Discrimination is a form of communication and how can one respond to that other than just illustrating how such a situation can also be perceived and detailed.

Example 3. Lead psychologist – not sure why he decided to show himself, but he did and by all mighty did he fail! https://www.ucl.ac.uk/psychoanalysis/people/lionel-bailey

Whenever I tried to direct a question, he would say how severely attacked he felt by my questions, he clearly forgot to read the manual/ protocol on writing reports – ethically and morally or justice like...–

His name Lionel Bailey – an enormity of nobody – clustered in a broken glass mirror of psychoanalytical perspectives, defunct and errored like a shampoo formula for growing hair – in this case wrongly used to grow a brain function or functions such as neurons for distinguishing right hemisphere decision making from left language prone hemisphere. Did I get that right, Mr. Lionel Bailey? Let me know when you grow some hair, but not on your balls! We have already introspected and decided that you have none of either! – Which, it's OK. Unfortunately, it is too late for that to happen in the near future and, if you insist, in seeking such a complex dynamic, we can conclude that you have no chance. If in any doubt contact us via booking form and use a pen name. Don’t write on your balls to be reminded though, it may cause distress in searching– or so I’ve heard, especially if a (black) marker is in use.

Again, the above and final example is a high illustration on potential responses to discrimination - in the moment  - again the language is indelicate and suggestive and that is exactly how and what discrimination communicates. 

When one experiences discrimination they very rarely turn their head around and think to themselves: well, this is not the first time and how can someone can be quite so ignorant. No, what is experienced are feelings of hurt with a complex dynamic and recognising a repetitive experience. Feelings of hurt is an understatement. 

All above examples talk to an experience and this is how such experience can be described by both a neurodiverse individual and a typical individual:

After such experiences, I felt highly educated on an acute syndrome of lacking testicles coupled with defunct psychoanalytic rhymes, plastered and dozed barristers, witnessing stupidity ( inciting levels of Shakespearian laughter) from HM Judges and DDJ/s better seated on the loo - indefinitely that is - and watching out for toilet signs to not bump into the Judge whilst introspecting for hairless statements of crucial court experts.

But the above scenario is not a hopeless scenario after all, neither a  “ much ado about nothing” script; In the end my endeavor proved fruitful in that I cycled to the Court and was able to deduct all expenses incurred at nearby café, through my private practice and specifically a workshop on stress control and how to achieve  detachment from stressful events through compartmentalizing – having a good routine for last six years working in an honorary NHS setting. My consultancy experience had proved priceless –no pun intended!

In above script we are using a judge, law, justice system etc. to pinpoint potential neurosis to various angles and frustrations. Intolerance to stressful events and or decrease participation (sensory and otherwise) are possible responses across various conditions and also possible responses of any human being with or without a specific classification.

  Stress control therapy is an integrative perspective or strictly a CBT protocol (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) that can successfully target traumatic memories, stress induced in various situations and it does that by addressing matters of onset, traumatic memories and perceived experiences or situational incidents. Albeit not visible in above story there are unconscious biases that one can identify and exclude from interpretation – there are no criteria left out - and all form a composite of events and are addressed in reverse order as to how it was delivered with I  (Madalina Day) being the recipient. 

My personal affirmation also delivered as stress control in the NHS settings is that of observance, acute self-awareness and decision making as to what is next. 

Writing this it was my next for me, clearly traumatic memories at that time. What helped, was continuing applying theory in practice in all settings including the NHS for many months after that experience and in 2021 publishing a book about the NHS cases that I was working with as the above events were also happening. 

My only regret is that I cannot change language used to this page and better describe discrimination and in kinder terms. I have concluded that there are absolutely none available. Discrimination is horrible, horrific and out of line of being compassionate and/or human for that matter. But humor is human. M.Day, 2022